Can I really do this?

Monday, July 12, 2010 Day 12
I’m having a crisis of confidence right now. I scheduled a flight to Munich for Sisters Reuinon in Innsbruck and I received notice this morning that my reservation has been cancelled; I can’t find baking powder or cream of tartar (to make baking powder) in the store; I thought I was buying a wonderful little phone which was going to be my constant companion all over Europe, and instead I have this thing that I can’t even understand and which is pretty much useless; I am not progressing in French because I’m not making myself sit down and study the language; and we’re all out of fruit. AAAKKKKKKKK!

Hand in hand with this crisis of confidence is a nagging feeling of worry which I have never before experienced. It has to do with my impending trip and all the connections I have to worry about (making the train to CdG, catching the flight to Munich, getting on the train timely for the last leg to Innsbruck) and I realize that I am worried that I will screw something up and not get one of the connections right. This is not a feeling that I am used to. I remember many years ago when my mother-in-law was not a lot older than I am now. She expressed to us a worry that she “couldn’t” handle getting to a particular destination (I think she was traveling to Michigan or Minnesota or one of those M states) – that she would somehow mess things up and not get to where she was going. We thought she was being ridiculous at the time, and told her she would manage fine (and she did). I now understand that fear. I think it may be in part age-related. In my case it is also because I have to deal with two language barriers. I recall how doltish I felt last summer in Denver when Roger discovered that I had made reservations for Cirque de Soleil for the wrong day – fully a week later than we needed. In that case, it was not any really big deal. I made a phone call which took care of almost everything. We had to pay an extra two dollars to have our tickets printed at the box office. But if I screw up anything on this trip, it will mean that I will have a shorter time with my sisters, that I will inconvenience them because I will not be at Innsbruck when they get there, and I am absolutely certain that the price to fix it will be more than two dollars! I am discovering of myself that I am not quite as ready to face challenges as I used to be. But I suppose I had better gird up my loins, because we have only been here two weeks and I still have lots of challenges to face!!

It was cool this morning. The rain moved in about 6:00 or so and there was quite a downpour. By the time I got out of bed well after 9:00, the rain had stopped and the cool air felt wonderful. It was 68° then, and barely 70° at 2:00 in the afternoon. I decided, based on some recipes I found on the internet, that I would fix scones using the red currants. That necessitated a trip to the grocery store. Out list was rather long as we have run out of a lot of the things that were stocked in the apartment, such as vinegar, olive oil, hand soap, laundry soap. Also on the list was fabric softener. This is something I never used in Louisiana, but because we hang our clothes to dry rather than putting them in a dryer, the towels in particular are rather scratchy and I am trying to alleviate that a bit.

The other day at the market I came upon a large beet, clearly already cooked because the skin was mostly already slipped. I really like beets, so I bought two. They are pickled! They sell whole pickled beets, just loose, lying there in a pile! They were really good. The cheeses, on the other hand have been, well, cheese. We have managed to buy soft cheeses so far, very mild, not much flavor. They are not bad, but they are also nothing to write home about. When we get to the fromage counter, we stare a while, decide on one, point it out and ask for 300 grams or so. We get home, try it out, and – ho-hum. I think we are going to have to look at aged cheeses to get more flavor.

Okay, things are much better now. I managed to get my flight scheduled, using Air France instead of Opodo, I have some lovely berry-flavored iced tea, I have Beethoven’s Eroica symphony playing, and I have my wonderful husband, who embraced me, wiped my tears, and reminded me that, as long as we have each other, we can make it through anything. Je t’aime, mon amour. Je t’aime!

After a long walk, my outlook has improved considerably. It was a really beautiful day, with the temperature in the low 80s. We took a bus to Bercy Park, which is a lovely park due east of us and just across the Seine, then walked all the way home. Long walk, supplemented by glace. I really wanted some fruit, but the only fruit vendors we passed were the Seven-Eleven-type guys, and their fruits are not very good. When we got back to our neighborhood, we went to the fruit vendor even before we went home. Ah, cherries, ah, nectarines, ah, apricots!!!